The Day She Prayed for a Brother

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Dear reader, if you find yourself new to this place, I welcome you. I am currently revisiting and sharing from the archives of past written blog posts while I work through a season of grief.

I long to share more in the near future, but for now, I am traveling slowly through the peaks and valleys of this uncharted geography.

May the words I share here find their way to the one who will find them helpful. Amen.

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Journaling through Difficult Feelings

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I received a question recently on my Instagram account at thejournalenthusiast. The question is one that I felt deserved more time and space than a quick answer in reply on a social media platform. Additionally, it sparked my mind in forty different directions and that alone warrented taking a step back before hitting reply! Fortunately, I knew I had answers for her, but I wanted time to read between the lines she’d written, seek the Lord in prayer, check on my own best resources and weigh my answer. I am guilty of overthinking often, I know, but I also appreciated this opportunity to redivert my focus to one of my greatest passions…writing through difficult feelings and overwhelming emotions. I do it so frequently, I don’t think about it. I’ve written through enough challenges, difficulties and personal trauma to safely know the positives and negatives from this activity and where some of the boundaries lie. I hope this article offers a helpful answer, and told her I thought she wasn’t alone in asking these questions and let her know I wanted to invite others who may benefit into our conversation. Read on for my response to her questions.

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Daughters, Dolls, and Doctor Who

Today I am sharing another post from the archives of posts written from the throes of motherhood. My writing community was the saving grace for me then and I continue to be thankful as I remember the support and encouragement I received trhough this particular community during those years.

I am trying to find the courage and strength to share more in the days ahead but it seems, right now in this early stage of loss, each day is enough to get through. As we continue to mourn the loss of our precious daughter and learn as we go, we continue to trust in God for all the things we cannot know now. We hope in Him for what only He knows, and remain confident in His gracious, merciful, compassionate, longsuffering and loving character.

Meanwhile sharing memories and some of the writing from archives is what I am doing …until I find new words to share again.

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The Frustrating Truth about Calvary Love

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“If I have not the patience of my Saviour with the souls who grow slowly; if I know little of travail (a sharp and painful thing) till Christ be fully formed in them, then I know nothing of Calvary love.”   ~ Amy Carmichael

It has been 65 days since our daughter Katherine passed away. I say this not only to inform the reader, but to remind myself. As I still find the reality incomprehensible. It’s interesting to note, that this same word describes how I am seeing God right now more than ever before…the same God I thought I knew. He is looking different to me. Not in a bad way, just different. He is a God, I no longer comprehend. I continue to walk by faith, but before you judge, or add your quick comment, consider…what do you think you would think, would feel- if God took from you your own beloved child? The same child he gave you, the same child you fought to keep alive since before she was born and long after?

I am sharing another story from the archives. From a time I was being taught other painful parenting lessons from my girl, and the God I thought I knew. Thank you for reading. And for carefully considering your words.

Continue reading “The Frustrating Truth about Calvary Love”
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