As Mother’s Day approaches this year, I am finding I’m not ready to celebrate.
As we approach the six month mark of my mom’s passing, I find myself feeling a plethora of unanticipated emotions. The fact is I am just not ready to have a Happy Mother’s Day.
It’s not that I am not grateful for being a mother, nor is it that I am out of touch with myself. Actually, it’s that I am exactly in tune with myself that I am able to give myself grace, and permission to access and express these feelings the best way I know how.
When emotions run high, scribbling poetic lines, helps bring clarity, focus, release and, in a word, perspective. It’s as if once the words hit the paper, one is freed from the emotional weight of keeping them inside. Writing poetry has literally saved me from going right over the deep end, many times. This is why I believe writing is a gift, and why I work hard to encourage reflective writing and why I so often share my own journey and process.
May these words be grace and freedom to the one who needs to read them, as they have been to the one who penned them this day. May they bring transparency and opportunity for more of your grace, as you will, Lord. Amen.
When You Have No Mother on Mother’s Day
On the day May 1st arrived
this stark new reality hadn’t yet hit me
like a slap across the face that stings
burns red hot in the aftermath of contact
without leaving a permanent mark
a reminder of the empty space acquired
and the sadness inherited…
What will I celebrate?
Who will join me?
How will I not be swallowed
by the bouquet of roses
I can’t give her –
and who will I now be but an orphan
on Mother’s Day each year.
My bursting heart must find vent at my pen.
Thank you for reading- please refrain from commenting unless you are familiar with what it means to “Hold Space” with someone. Sometimes well meaning folks want to “do something” or “say something” in response to another’s expression of pain or grief and in doing so do more harm than good. As Scripture reveals there’s a time for a right response and times when refraining might be better. I trust you’ll understand. Interestingly, I learned about “holding space” on my recent trip to Colorado during my week long Journaling Intensive and Certification. As I considered the term in context, I realized it is something I have previously experienced as both recipient and giver but was unaware it was actually a thing…with a name. I found a wonderful article by Heather Plett worth reading: “What it means to “hold space” for people, plus eight tips on how to do it well” which I think does a good job of explaining it. It might be helpful for you to read. IT comes easier to some people I’m sure. But we could all take to tuning in to being more sensitive to one another during what sometimes seems like a blatantly insensitive cultural climate.
I share this poem not to bring anyone down, but only to express my experience openly and honestly. That’s all any of us can do. As an old friend used to remind me, and I know she was quoting someone else – but I think of the words as hers anyway …”We’re all here walking each other home.”
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