“Nothing else matters so much as being free to reach your dream. The obstacles we overcome are so often within ourselves.”
~ from my journal April 1992
This month for Random Journal Day I am sharing from a journal I rarely look back on. As a matter of fact, you might call this journal a turning point journal. This journal reveals a girl about to come to a crossroads. You might say in Twilight Zone manner, I was about to take a turn down a path I had not anticipated, into the… (enter music).
Many of you know that I was involved in the Fitness Industry for many years as a Personal Trainer and Consultant, but rarely do I like to talk about it. Occasionally I will write about it, but more in an abstract way usually making an analogy of some kind. But the fact remains, many of my “beneath the surface” lessons came while pursuing goals in the physical realm. God continues to use the many experiences I had coaching others and attaining my own goals as a way to elaborate and clarify His purpose for my life, even to this day.
Despite the audacity of my blog post title, and entry, I ask you to bare with me (as well as the pun and bikini clad body- long past, no less) as I share with you a piece of my Redemptive story, walk with me now into my journal and possibly The Twilight Zone…
Some journals are more painful to page through than others.
Well, that is if you leave out grace. Isn’t it harder to be gracious with ourselves when we know exactly who we are apart from a Living Savior? I know what it’s like and I remember it well. I had worldly applause, and approval. I had enemies too. I was still outspoken in these days, but my focus, and cause was different. I never anticipated meeting up with a Living God though I always suspected His presence. I had a life of my own creation, and my philosophy was one that could only be described as self-focused, self-made and self-driven. Self was the god I served and acknowledged. I was like the majority of people I knew. Oh, I served others in various ways, but ultimately Self was the God I bowed to, I can say this now, because I recognize this fact.
The truth is, I had a run in with the One True Living God who changed my perspective and my life has never been the same.
I don’t believe you can meet this God and remain the same. I do believe there are lesser gods. Always have been. But this God? There is none like Him. He is the ultimate Game Changer.
A Salute to Me
(Journal Entry from April 9th 1992)
Here’s to me for doing it 100% naturally
since the start
Here’s to the mistakes that brought me
to where I am now-
Here’s to knowing
that I am not a quitter
and that this year
I will be in my absolute best shape ever overall
Here’s to realizing what I knew from the start (yet doubted)
that I have within me
everything I need
to get what I want in life,
as well as competition.
Because it comes from within-
and these attributes
I have developed and had within me
have helped me become
the person I want to be
or at least
gotten me to tap
some of the potential
of what can be.
Friends, I had no idea what was around the corner. Because by the end of this year (1992), I would meet a fellow bodybuilder who would introduce me to the only One able to coach this strong-willed woman. Make no bones about it, I was searching for salvation in a number of other ways – in fact you might say I was on the salvation treadmill. Because it was leading nowhere fast, but it sure kept me busy.
I had a lot of healing ahead of me, and a lot of self-made defenses that God needed to deal with…you do not survive childhood sexual abuse and come away unscathed no matter how hard you try to work at it. I had worked hard, and gone down all the self-help roads and philosophies. I’d studied Eastern Religion, and philosophy and I came away from all, in the end, empty-handed.
But, that was good, because once I opened my hands and realized how empty they were, there was a God-this Jesus ready to take my empty hands and walk me through to wholeness. He’s still doing it. Praise His Name!
I know this is a bit different in how I shared, but I never tire of telling the story. And this year, my One Word is Redeemed, and I can’t seem to stop sharing this story again and again. Every single time, I get goosebumps. Every time it leaves me awed.
Thanks for reading my words. Thanks for being here today. If you know someone who needs to know that God is still redeeming His people today then go ahead and share. If you are inspired to share your redemption story or a new version of it, or a different part of it- check out my friend Lily’s place Faith and Testimony! Be brave, you never know what God might do…through YOU!
Also, join us for this month’s Random Journal Day happening all weekend through Monday at Noon.
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