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A number of months ago, I put out a post on Facebook for topic requests you’d like me to write about. A sweet blogging friend, named Jodi commented back to me: “Pride”.
Ironically, I immediately suffered Writer’s Block. I say ironic because to my shame, it is not like I didn’t think I could write about this subject. As a matter of fact, my rambling words here at this blog often reveal (I hope) my very real battle with such yuck in my life. Not because I want to shame myself, or my Lord, but just because I am in a process and haven’t arrived to that place of mastery where my words always reveal grace. Though this is my heart’s desire and His will for me (and you). I don’t know how to be anyone else but me, as I am, in this moment. Yuck shows up and is revealed in me on this journey and sometimes, I confess, I still cling to the filth of it.
I started the post about pride repeatedly. But it just would not come. I’d rewrite and ponder, and listen for clear leading. I thought of so many incidences in my life where God revealed this particular sin still stubbornly rooted in my flesh. I could see it in some of my favorite Bible characters as God showed me.
But, I still could not find the right words to share adequately… that felt real and right.
Is it possible I was even prideful in my writing about pride?
Ack!
You see Pride isn’t in your face, although often we think it is.
Not so with Christians. Christians understand Pride is a biblical calling out on the carpet. It’s opposite of God’s will revealed in Christ Jesus; it mocks His beauty and humility and most Believers know this on some level. Pride is subtle. It sneaks in and creeps into your soul like toxic gas into your lungs. It rises up from within triggered by memories of offenses, grievances, and unlovely thoughts.
My friend, Pride is not something that announces it’s arrival, but I assure you if it lingers in you, it will appear sooner or later.
There I was, pondering one particular person’s perceived shortcomings.
I am already short of the grace I need in doing this one thing. Judgment and criticism walk hand and hand and they pat you on the back, if you give them half a chance, walk you straight to the doors of hell and will leave you there just shy of entering. But for His grace.
I know He gives me words and it’s a gift but I am walking with the enemy as I dwell on things He clearly instructs not to dwell upon. I am going down a road and wouldn’t it just figure I happen to pop on Facebook. I’d like to say I wrote these particular words without thinking, but I love words too much and wield them for good…or evil. Because when I take my words and fail to submit them to my Lord, I became as demonic as Peter in the Garden. I hurt my Lord, and others.
Back to this recent wielding of words…
I unleashed a paragraph. Onto Facebook. In one. Moment. Of. Weakness. And. Unkindness.
I am not making an excuse.
To my shame,
I used my words for evil and not good.
I knew I needed to repent.
I knew better than this, yet I still pressed that button.
It was not kind.
It was wrong.
I knew it.
Facebook showed that the status was seen 124 people. The average number reported is usually
less than half of that for my Facebook Page. Often even less than that!
How does that happen?
He is the prince of the power of the air (Ephesians 2:2), and lies in wait for my heart to be unguarded.
For Pride to reign in a moment.
Because I let pride blind me in a moment to the King of Glory. I served the enemy of the Most High God.
In a moment.
Also within a moment a follower (?) commented and told me that my comment wasn’t very nice.
Busted.
Busted.
I replied that, she was correct. I thanked her for telling me so.
So much for anonymity.
She called me out and I knew I deserved it.
I saw that a few people immediately “un-followed” my page.
Bad choices have consequences.
I deleted the post and I put a new status update for those who may have saw the post and ignored it, which is what I usually do with the unsavory comments that come through my news-feeds. I apologized and accepted responsibility for my poor judgement.
I want my words to be used for good.
I want to get it right.
All the time.
I don’t.
But you know what?
He came so that I could live this side of eternity not driven by guilt, fear or pride.
He came so I, by grace through faith, could become like Him.
Be transformed by this life altering, eternal transaction that births holiness in this unholy place called my heart.
Process. Progress. Like Him.
Perfect.
Holy.
Sinless.
It is not possible without a Living Savior.
It is not possible without a Miraculous God.
It is only possible by the Resurrected Christ.
The one who came for sinners, like me.
Because I belong to Him, I can know that although I messed up again, He has forgiven me.
And if you caught those words I wrote for it, I ask for your forgiveness.
And if you caught those words I wrote for it, I ask for your forgiveness.
Would you take a moment and pray for me? Would you pray that my words would be wholly submitted to Him before they ever appear “in the air”? Would you consider praying for my fellow bloggers, and yourself the same? We all need this prayer, that our words would be Life Giving.
Thank you, for grace, Friends.
Thank you for standing with me in my yuck and not being ashamed to call me, friend.
Thank you for caring enough to speak the truth and for reminding me that my words do matter. We never really are anonymous.
*This post is dedicated to Jodi Packe. She challenged me and waited patiently for me to write about this topic. I am not sure this is what I would have chosen, but I pray it blesses someone. Somewhere. Thank you Jodi, for your patience and for all those likes and words of encouragement. Thank you Pamela Steiner, for affirming I should publish it. When I thought I might keep it in the drafts.
Linking With:
Finding Heaven
Missional Women
Heart Reflected
Spiritual Sundays w/Charlotte
Hear It, Use It w/ Michelle DeRusha
Enthusiastically, Dawn 
Beautiful, beautiful post my friend. I love how you are so quick to repent and back away from your bad stuff. I saw the post and thought, “Oh dang, she's gonna have to post an apology for this one, poor baby.” There is a certain snide mood I get into sometimes and I want SO bad to put it out there, its a fight with myself to step away from FB. But more importantly to do as you say here…step away from the negative thought in the first place. I love you Dawn, you are a true warrior with great passion for God and I know He loves that in you. Susie
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Beautiful! Exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you for going ahead with it. Oh, btw, my pride is showing up here…my name is Pamela Steiner, not Stein. But that's ok…only a prideful person like me would care. So you see, we all needed this message!!!! God is being glorified in this message. Praise God!
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No matter how you slice it Dawn — one post, or divided into two separate ones — this is beautifully said and gut-raw honest, and I LOVE YOU for that and I thank you for that. We ALL dirty dance with the sin of pride, and anyone who claims not to is full of doggie doo. Much love to my BBFF!Pam (the other Pam…LOL)
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OOPsie! Fixed it. Sorry, I don't know how I missed that…;)
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Very much appreciate your open, honest heart my friend. Praying for us all, love you.
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Authentic writing requires this openness. Which doesn't make it easier, but it does make it right. God blesses it and your obedience in sharing the yuk will bless more people than you'll know. It spoke to me.
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You are so right sister, pride sneaks up on us…I hate to admit but judgment and criticism have been my companions on this journey…thank God for grace and mercy! Love you! Love this post! And pray that we will offer life giving words into the air to take down the principalities that try to wrench God's glory from Him and from our efforts to serve the living God!
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