Enthusiastically, Dawn

It happens about this time every year. This subtle shift of heart, the deep sense of something amiss. Or missing. I am not sure what happens but only have observed this movement within me, this deeper yearning as the long nights of Autumn come round serving up falling leaves, chilly days and blazing colors in the trees. My heart aches for something not quite. My soul grows restless. The past year looms like a long shadow over the sidewalks, but my gaze is facing the not yet. What is this slow parade of longing that marches before me? I stand silently watching, waiting, wondering. Like a deer, standing still, at the edge of a moment, unsure what to do next. Within me a storm is brewing. A culmination of the past year’s happenings tumble around in my mind. I ponder all of it, seeking discernment to gather the good and hang on to it. But life doesn’t just offer us good, does it? And we can’t really say we accept good while rejecting the not-so-good…especially if we have no idea what could be good ultimately in the grand scheme of things. At least in God’s incomprehensible perspective. Yet, here I am standing watching the parade of 2021, pondering the good, not-so-good, the heartbreakingly bad and the meaning of any of it. The parade of memories, of people, places, things, all marching by, and me asking questions of a God who sits unsurprised, in Heaven. Yet, also with me.