Well for this month’s Random Journal Day gathering, I am sharing from a journal I loved well! I forget where I found this gem, but it was packaged together with matching stationary and stickers. It was one of those journals I wasn’t sure if I wanted to actually use or keep in the box with the other goodies. However, I am way to practical for that…and journals are meant to be written in, scribbled in, carried with and loved on! So I did.
As I flipped through this Coffee Shop Journal from 2008, I found myself pulled back in time. Perhaps that’s why I dragged my feet a bit with sharing from this journal. This was a challenging year for our family…and for my faith. It was a season of loss and tearing down of misconceptions in my own mind. Yet even in these trial filled pages I see the hand of God, grace, creativity and longing for Him in the circumstances.
Although I am not sharing all the doodles (too personal about others), I enjoyed looking back at them. I had stumbled upon the book Praying in Color and the evidence is splashed, sporadically throughout this journal. Another theme of this particular journal is the fact that I was enjoying a new friend who owned a used bookstore and the evidence of that is also cut, pasted and preserved on the pages. I printed tiny copies of the various books I read and also the ones we shared in our book reading group to keep within my journal. A very enjoyable memory! God always, always, ALWAYS seems to bring me the blessing of good friends at the worst times. That is a theme I see as I look back in all of my journals. It reminds me of Proverbs 17: 17… a friend loves at all times and a brother is born for adversity. That could be a whole post on its own, yes?
I generally write more than I ever doodle; words are my Go To, although I appreciate the visual arts and creations of others it is still a bit uncharted territory…a place I dabble. Words are where I live, and my entries can ramble on for pages…not much to look at BUT the content can be powerful. Prayers, prose and a plethora of thoughts present themselves in these pages. But isn’t it fun when we can see ourselves in time (when we peek back at our old journals) trying out new forms, new ideas and ways…they waken us to the simple pleasures of prayer, and a life with God anew. We can see ourselves working out God’s will and salvation in our thought life, in our challenges…in our living.
I call this (below) a Pre-Blog journal post. Because, I sometimes would type out a journal entry, print it and paste it in my journal. It was as if I was practicing getting comfortable with the keyboard for writing-for blogging! But, I really did not know what blogging was in 2008.
And from this entry I take the following words to share:
So much is on my mind…Let me start my time with you with thanks, Lord, although I confess to much grumbling and complaining lately! Oh, how my heart longs to jump for joy and exalt your name but there is so much anger, bitterness and lack of forgiveness still lurking within me. Please take it away from me. I sense I must let it go- give it up-yet how do I let go or give up something that is like a cancer clinging to me? Only you alone are capable of removing and healing diseases such as these. It seems no matter how far along I seem to go there it is lurking, peeking around every corner like a sly fox. But this “fox” has the appetite of a wolf and seeks to consume me completely. Oh, Lord, may you protect me from the foxes, wolves and all the disguises the evil one would present to entrap me.
Katherine is home with me today and we enjoyed a walk/bike ride with Banjo into Connecticut to the other side of Bailey Pond. So scenic. I got a really cute picture of Banjo and Katherine looking out over the water. She is actually not sick or anything…I did just miss her so and am hating the fact that our lives our so rushed and compressed. It is ridiculous. As if the crowding and busy-ness of life defines the quality. It could not be further from the truth! The less busy I am and the more time I have to sit at your feet, Lord- that is where I find true quality of life. Lord, and once more I feel the pressures of this time of year…wondering which things that come up are opportunities that will truly add beauty and harmony to my life (and my family’s) and which are distractions which will create a tug of war between peace of mind and personal ambition. Lord, let me weigh more carefully in the light of your mind every decision I make. Let me not be swayed by that which is common to man and myself, but be swayed ever more fervently toward all that brings me closer to you and leads those that are close to me into the beautiful light of your glory and presence- instead of confronting my yucky flesh.
I lift up the rest of this day to have in all the qualities you see fit for the day. I accept it as a gift. Let me remember it is but one day and accept both it’s expanses and limitations for you O’ God fill the expansion of eternity and You, O’ Lord are not limited in any way. You are faithful to your promises and you give contentment to the soul. Let these truths satisfy me to overflowing that the spilling over might bless my family and be encouragement even to their very bones!
In Jesus name, I ask everything with confidence and trust in the one who is ENOUGH! Amen.
Just the prayers and heart of a simple girl/woman working out this life of faith in the middle of her own messiness…I say girl/woman because I always feel like a little girl before my great God, though He is molding me into the woman He knows me to be.
Well, I hope you enjoyed this peek into my life back in 2008…not that long ago really, but so many changes life brings us in our years. It feels like a lifetime ago. Do you keep a journal? I encourage you to take a peek back and remember all God has brought you through to this very day. Or if you are a doodler or journal keeper of any kind, consider yourself invited o our monthly gathering…pull up a chair, grab a beverage and enjoy some heartfelt community…your heart is welcome HERE!