This Friday morning our little group of praying moms finally had the first gathering of the school year. I have been allowing myself to be available to God through this ministry
despite the nagging doubts, feelings of inadequacy and sometimes seemingly
As the day approached I found myself feeling overwhelmed. Three weeks into Homeschooling 8th grade and this mom, right here, was already ready to hang it up.
The most negative voices taunted me from the corners of my mind, echoing through my head, as if in an empty corridor, on challenging days. The voices reminded me of every possible reason why I was not fit to pray with my sisters, let alone lead them in prayer. The reality was that these “voices” were voices in my mind, but they seemed to take on attitudes and personalities of their own with one intention:
To take me down.
By Thursday, I hit the ground running, and focused prayer time was minimal. So much to do. Clock ticking…and yet there was this still, small voice, just faint in the background. Not condemning…quietly present. Less a voice perhaps, and more a presence, which seemed to keep me somewhat on track despite the messes, challenges, distractions, and outright opposition.
That night, as I prayed, I told God just how I felt,what I thought, what the voices in my head were saying and how I was starting to believe them. I asked Him to show me His will. I reminded Him that each of these sweet ladies was capable of leading and my presence was not even absolutely needed.
I gave Him my big objection, which was basically the same thing I always tell Him.
The two words I’m convinced He accepts BUT refuses to receive…
So I moseyed on up to His throne of grace and told Him, in my bravest, big girl voice…the one He knows I don’t really believe, but use when I really want Him to know that I am s-e-r-i-o-u-s.
I said, Lord, but if you really want me to do this, despite all of my excellent arguments. Despite all of my imperfections. Despite all of my ME. I am willing. If you promise to show me clearly if it is really not your will. Deal?
Then I slept.
Friday morning I was awake before the alarm. My head was clear. It was Go Time.
God gave me a perfect extended time of refreshment in His word and prepared my heart. His peace draped over my shoulders like a soft garment.
The time of prayer with my praying moms turned out to be a blessing, naturally.
He was present, and I realized just how blessed I was to be able to pray with this handful of gracious women. It’s not that I am the best candidate to lead. It’s not that I am such an awesome prayer warrior, it’s not that I have been the best mom, or am some kind of Super Christian Chick.
In myself, I am completely inadequate to lead these women.
But somehow, our weakness is His strength…and in the smallest acts of obedience, He runs out to meet us with open arms.
Can you get this?
It’s not my adequacy, ability or anything me at all that equips me for His will.
Same for you.
It is all His grace. All gift.
And that which I think, is mine, is after all really His-
yet He blesses through that which He calls forth…
even as He calls us to trust and obey.
Is there no other way?
So what are you waiting for?
Is He calling you to step out, again?
What have you walked away from that you suspect He wants you to turn around and walk back to?
Despite all of your good arguments, do you know, that you know, that you know, He has something for you to do, which will require you to rely on His strength and not your understanding, power or might?
Trust me, there is no other way…
To be happy in Jesus
to trust and obey.
Not by might, nor by power, but by my Spirit, says the Lord of hosts
Are you longing to pray for your children with another mom?
For more about gathering together in prayer with one or two or more moms,
*I have been praying with a Moms in Prayer group since 2008 and have been blessed beyond belief. I have been “leading” which is to say I have been praying alongside women who are gracious enough to allow me to be responsible for staying on track, starting and finishing on time and never talking too much (Can you see God’s sense of humor in this?) since 2010.
God is Faithful.
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