For Those Unmarried

This post could be inspired by a couple of interactions I had today. Or it could be a word that has been longing to come out of me for awhile.
Either way, I need to have a word with those who are unmarried…
I know you think that you are missing out. You are longing to be held, cherished, honored and respected, by someone. Forever. You feel like God has abandoned you, or maybe you don’t feel that extreme. Yet. Except in the late hours. When the clock ticks on, but sleep evades you. You wonder if God needs your input, help, or persuasion. Or you ponder the one (s) that got away. You think that you have done everything right, and God owes you this one thing. Oh, you don’t come out and say it like that, of course. But, you think it. You wonder why God would withhold this good thing from you. You wonder what is so wrong with you. You are tired of waiting and wondering. Maybe you are just plain tired.
Can I tell you one little thing that God has shown me. One thing I know, if nothing else. I say this not as a “pat” Christian answer. I tell you because I have spent many nights listening to the clock tick, wondering whether God remembered this child. The fact is God does not withhold from you what is for you. 
But also, God wants to be your number one.
Not your fallback. Not your I’ll check in after the heartbreak. 
Not your Sunday buddy. 
God wants you to desire Him more than a husband or wife.
It’s not that it’s wrong to desire a husband or a wife.
But, it is wrong by His standard to desire anything or anyone more than Him.
You can believe it or not, but it’s the truth.
Because God is the only faithful one.
And He loves you more than any earthly love will.
If He gives you the desire of your heart, He still longs to be your One True Desire. 
Another thing I want to tell you, is once you are married, longings can still keep you up late into the night. They may be different, but the fact remains, He is the only one that can bring peace, contentment and joy whether you are single or married.
If you are not completely satisfied with Him and what He gives NOW, trust me, you will not be MORE satisfied with what He gives after you are married.
Work on the relationship that matters most-
your relationship with Him, because He is the only one who will sustain you.
Lastly, I want to assure you that marriage is a continual turning to Him, and laying down your rights to yourself within that context. Not before (but that’s another post).
Marriage does not eliminate loneliness. There is nothing more lonely than being lonely in marriage. Marriage does not guarantee scheduled sexual bliss. Or regular intimacy (and that’s also another post!)
Marriage will not free you from financial obligations.
Marriage is not a one way ticket to your personal Happily Ever After.
If you want a good picture of Marriage,
 look at Jesus.
Then never take your eyes off of Him.
 Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.  Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.  Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men.  And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.
Philippians 2:3-11
When you can look at the person you THINK you want to say I do to,
without compromise ask yourself the following- 
Am I ready to love like this? 
Laying aside my own personal ambition for the well being of the one to whom I am committed?
Can I count the other person’s needs and desires above my own?
Am I able to be emptied of myself, to serve even when and if I don’t “feel it”?
Ask yourself:
Are you ready to die to self so that Christ can live and love through you?
Are you willing to “serve” this person, even when you feel you are not being served yourself? 
Can you forgive the way Christ has forgiven you for every sin…including hidden or repeated sin?
Because friends, I am pretty sure that unless you are living in Disney World, this is what it will take.
So know this…
He loves you More than you can ever know.
Trust Him. Know Him.
Make this verse your heart’s prayer and affirmation:
“Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.”
Psalm 73:25
Lord, I pray that you would bless my friends out there who are single with peace, joy and contentment. Increase their confidence and trust in your complete ability to do abundantly more than they can imagine. Satisfy them with your love and remind them that your mercies are new every morning, great is your faithfulness. For my married friends, I pray your blessing and protection over their sacred vows. Help them to be good forgivers and willing to yield their hearts and lives completely to you in good times and trials. Encourage all of your children with your faithful, gracious, merciful love and empower them to learn to love like you. In Jesus Name, Amen.




Published by enthusiasticallydawn

Dawn Paoletta is the author of Journaling for Discovery and Delight. Her writing is included in several anthologies and her poems have been included in the Wickford Poetry and Art Exhibit and Books. Dawn is currently working on her next book. Inquiries at

10 thoughts on “For Those Unmarried

  1. “Because God is the only faithful one.And He loves you more than any earthly love will.”Amen to that, Dawn. I have a few single friends who would love to be married; it's a difficult road. And I have a few married friends who would love to be single. Only God can truly satisfy us!


  2. This goes along so well with the Precepts study I just did on money and possessions and finding contentment. If we haven't proven ourselves to be trustworthy and obedient with what we have (including our time and what we do with it), God certainly isn't going to give us more. I think this applies to everything in our lives…including relationships. God needs to be at the center of our focus and the rest will come.


  3. Thank you for this post. As a single young woman, it's often lonely (and honestly, frustrating!) to know what God's plan is, and how He wants me to serve him. This is a beautiful reminder to focus on my relationship with Him, and not worry too much about the rest.


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