Today is my daughter’s birthday.
I wanted to title this post, Another Year Without You– but then the idea of sending a letter to her through the eternal postal service could not be shaken.
Jesus – the Faithful and True mail carrier knows my baby’s address. This is my hope, confidence and peace.
Dear Katherine,
Today is your 26th birthday. Or it would have been if you were still here with us. How is it you are gone from us now – 6 years? It feels like time stopped the day you died.How I struggle to find meaning this side of eternity since you’ve been gone. How I struggle to understand what matters now. How I struggle to figure out, what next. How I struggle to battle the anger, bitterness and resentment that would devour me if I let down my guard-even but for a minute.
How each day now is a pushback against the darkness and a plunge into the unknown light of faith…and how faith is the raft to which I desperately cling to stay afloat in a vast sea, where land is far off and safety not guarenteed. Hope is a thing in the distance, like something hard to remember, something I strain and squint to see on a far off horizon.
Katherine your life mattered. Even if to some you seemed an enigma- I am sorry for them— for they never knew your inner being, your precious and beautful soul. Some just can’t help walking past what is precious and beautiful in God’s eyes- some stones on the beach are missed, walked on, and overlooked. Some stones need a bit more effort to see the rare beauty hidden in plain sight. The stepped on, overlooked sand-covered beach stone once picked up, brushed off washed clean and held up to the light- a beautiful gift.
You were that gift.
But for the sincere, persistant seeker, not impressed only with outwardly expressed conformity, and superficiality but who is willing to take the time…unsurpassed treasure can be found. You are that treasure.
I’m thinking of you, my love, and I am thinking how even the brightest light that burns more intensley than the sun, even the light that will still be present after all other lights are extinuished. That light did shine upon you, and still shines in me and through me as I remember you today and always.
Katherine, I miss you. You are loved.
More on this journey…HERE> My Grief Journey
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