I find myself at a loss of words lately. I mean not really at a loss of words, but more of a loss of something I can’t quite name. Is this the end of the year delay? I define this as the thing we do when we figure, hey, there’s only two more months, I can slide on things and reboot for the new year. How many times have I done that, I wonder? It’s the same mentality that keeps people out of the gym, and off their healthier eating plans…the same that keeps us from, well, thinking we can actually do the THING we want to do, need to do, should do, or could do.
So why am I even typing at this (borrowed) laptop to write a blog post, when I can’t even focus in on a single topic I want to write about? OK, that is a partial truth. The truth is I have been thinking a lot about things. And I have been thinking about writing about a lot of things. I thought about writing about planners. I thought about writing about grief. Again. I thought about another journal series. I thought about writing about the latest books I am reading (especially The New Dark Ages: The Death of Reading and the Dawn of the Post-Literate Society by James Marriott). I thought about writing about the Advent books that have me excited for the season (especially Radiant: An Advent Invitation to Grow in the Light of Christ by Lisa Wilt) and also Christmas Begins in Genesis: A 25-Day Advent Bible Study for Kids to Discover the Bigger Story of Why Jesus Came by Isaac Whitaker). I thought about writing about my book stack, and the books I want to read next year. I thought about writing about my One Word for 2026…Radiant (also the name of my latest facial cleanser). I even thought about writing about the spider I watched drink a small drop of water. I might still write about that!
I keep thinking about picking up my manuscript, a poetic memoir, on my journey following the sudden death of my daughter. I keep thinking about how it has been an ongoing transformation – this manuscript is surely on a journey of its own, and how it needs to be finished, published, set free into the world. I keep thinking about how it is currently in its seventh iteration…seven versions of itself!
How I am like that manuscript.
Maybe that’s part of the problem. Is it possible I’m not satisfied with my current iteration of myself? This manuscript has seen two poems from its innards published (one in 2023, one in 2026), yet it’s still a work in progress- like me on this journey.
Which reminds me. I have lost interest in going to the gym, though I have been going to the local Planet Fitness for the past two years (well two years in February if I get my tush back there). Why? Just bored. I love creating new routines, and torturing others with them. Those of you who have followed me for a long time will know why! However, I feel like I need to change things up. Lord knows I am not short on creative ideas. I think about my workouts and write them down in all their creative glory. Then I have a great partner who is willing to do anything. Sigh. So, what gives? I can’t help but think these areas of my life are somehow connected.
It is easy to think about all these things. Oh, we can be Hemmingway in our mind’s eye. We can be thinking about writing the next great American novel. But that will not get the work done. I can think about my excellent workout combinations. And Lord knows, you can ask my partner about this, sometimes those ideas are not as great as they seem when I put them down on paper (even with my years of experience in personal training and program design). But if I do not get my arse back to the gym (or moving it when it is out of the seat, so to speak) I will not maintain my strength and fitness gains.
Maybe the connection is really about the butt after all? How about these alternative titles: Life happens in and out of the seats you sit in? As the butt goes, the writing life rises or falls? Oh, I don’t know. I’m reaching here. OH, here we go, The Butt Also Rises (early to the gym OR the writing desk?). On that note…
Sometimes my writing ideas shouldn’t be shared (that’s what my journal is for). But if I don’t sit my butt in the chair and open the laptop (borrowed or not) and write my heart out for better or worse, and believe my writing matters, I am done.
I refuse to believe I am finished.
I have more to say. I have more to share. And I think my writing matters, and I need to find a way back to my writing rhythm. I am not in a rush. I know all good things are worth the work and the wait. Whether it is right here on this website or submitting for publication, I will do the work. I just must get my seat in the chair, and my fingers to the keys. Because really today’s writing consisted of writing about how I am not writing at all.
As far as getting my butt to the gym? The jury is out on that. But time will tell. As will my butt!
Thanks for reading my nonsense today, I really do appreciate it! I hope there was something good in this sharing of random words for you! Let me know if you are a writer, how your writing life is going and what keeps it moving forward for you. If you are a gym rat (you know who you are) you can tell me your favorite workout now.
Enthusiastically, Dawn
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