Today God is helping me battle against the dark clouds that could permanently keep me from smiling, or from stepping out into a new day. In the morning I seek Him, and He is faithful to be found. I do not look to others, to the news, to the good intentions before my day, but only to Him. He is the only one who can keep me from the darkness that would otherwise overcome my soul.
Easter is not the same joyous holiday and time it used to be for me anymore. It’s a reminder of all that isn’t. But God, in His sovereign grace is not offended or surprised when the things that used to bring joy only leave a sense of hollowness. He knows I long for His hallowdness.
This year seemed especially hard. I have felt like I could cry and never stop, like a dam, that if released would be a continuous flood of tears. It was as if every ugly thing crawled from out of the woodwork, in the words I heard, in the experience of interactions with many, and in the continuous bad news that shouts from all corners of our globe, even our own small town. Easter did not feel happy, holy, or anything at all. It became a reminder of all that isn’t and in fact, may never be this side of eternity for some. Christian jargon did not help, it rarely does. Only the presence of the Lord has kept me and continues to do so. If you feel the heaviness of heart that cannot be salved or stitched with words from those who can’t comprehend your pain, I pray the words God so freely has given me will unleash His grace in your soul today.
The Place I Live (maybe a manifesto?)
Today I will read poetry, stare straight into the sun,
and live every moment like a child anticipating
Christmas morning.
Today I will remember, Lord, Your endless deeds
of good poured out to me personally…
and linger over them like watching water gushing
over the rocks of a deep wood’s waterfall,
into streams that never stop bubbling and flowing-
for haven’t you, indeed, given me everything?
Today I will count my blessings, encourage a friend,
say hello to a stranger and lavish grace like homemade
butter on fresh bread.
Today I will tell myself the truth only as it is filtered
through grace, love, kindness, and seen through eyes fixed
on a distant horizon, a sure destination- the place
my heart already lives with Jesus – the place I know is good.
Today I will believe God alone, and reject all else- knowing
there will be much that comes against my stand.
Today I will live in the thanksgiving that exalts Christ
on a cross and stands in the shadow of all it
accomplished- and in this I will find both freedom and
rest for my soul, and I will know how to share it well,
because it is good news for the weary, for those carrying
heavy burdens from a world that piles on, overloads,
takes without giving and is never satisfied.
Today I will watch my heart when it strays from grace
the same way I’d lovingly tend to grandbabies.
Doesn’t love correct the child, gently guide them into
the place of safety, the good place of arms that care?
Today I will hold out only words that magnify Jesus-
who died but lives, who magnifies love that never wavers
to the living dying world where I myself am walking,
in the living and dying place I live.
May God encourage the weary today, with His words, His Spirit, His always amazing, never failing, incomprehensible, immeasurable, good, and perfect grace.
Enthusiastically (even still), Dawn
Enthusiastically, Dawn 
Thank you, Dawn. This is beautiful.
Love to you and yours,
Mary
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That’s beautiful, Dawn. I found it quite encouraging. 😊❣️
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Dearest Dawn, it’s okay. It really is. God does understand and He is always always reaching out to you in love, ready to lift you up from the pits of despair and set your feet back on solid ground, holy ground, His ground. But He understands exactly what is going on inside of you, and I’m so thankful He has given you a voice/pen to share them with us. We never know how our angst and sorrows will comfort someone else going through their own grief and sorrows. When I focus on Easter as the open window into heaven’s portals…the means by which I will enter there one day myself and rest in the arms of Jesus and see my beloved ones again who got to get there first in line, I rejoice in Easter. Why? Because HE lives, I too shall live…not just survive my tomorrows here on earth, but literally LIVE my eternal tomorrows forever in peace and in His presence. Then it will all make sense. Don’t expect it to make sense now, but accept the fact that it WILL make sense on that day. Until then, there are others here who need to know this….so keep sharing the tiny bits of hope that still shine within you, and you will see them blossom into lovely flowers that bring so much joy and hope for others. One step at a time…one day at a time…one Easter at a time. God is with you. Love you dear friend.
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