Alone Time with Jesus

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It’s been a hard week. That is a weak way to start off this blog post today in light of a global pandemic. I’m pretty sure the world needs a big, giant time-out from itself, before it completely melts down due to mental and emotional exhaustion and information overload…oh, heck maybe I am just projecting my own state onto the world.

Is there a specific name for when you anthropomorphize the population of a planet? Or maybe I have lost my marbles. Fortunately, I know where to go when my marbles go missing. Meanwhile, the planet does resemble a marble, right?

As the Coronavirus tightens a noose around the world’s neck, we find ourselves squeezed tighter into our confined spaces, gasping for air. We struggle to breathe, gulp in some news. But what are we doing? In the space of a week all of our tiny universes have been altered. Some more drastic than others. The playing field of our humanity has been leveled. It took a week for everyone to find themselves in an unprecedented state of being. Where are we now?

This morning I walked the dog. Before coffee. Dog business, whether there is a pandemic or not still precedes my morning coffee. But this morning we went beyond the usual “business”. We walked. We thought big thoughts… yeah, I anthropomorphize my dog as well. We wandered down the road toward the property of our local church.

I found myself talking to God.

When all the boundaries begin to close in around you it gets harder to get alone with Jesus. But that is a problem for me. I guess I’m just needy. Or desperate to hear from God. For some reason sometimes when I am in crowds, or even small community, there is this static that seems to come between God and me. It gets harder to hear Him clearly and I find myself feeling like a ship being tossed about on a vast and stormy sea. I am not going to get into all of the why’s but let’s just say I am sensitive and when there are a lot of voices (spoken and unspoken) I lose my way.

My time alone with Jesus helps me keep from going off the deep end. He is my way. My only way through the day, and my only way through this current stormy sea of many voices that are finding their way into my head space- especially as our schedules grow blurred and families merge work, play, and downtime in close quarters. It’s good to be with our loved ones. It’s a blessing that we have homes and loved ones close to us. It’s good that God has our attention…or does he?

I walk the property praying. Praying is what I do whenever I am not with other people. It looks like I am walking and talking to myself, I imagine. If you saw me, you’d think, who is that “fruit loop” talking to? When I am alone, I sense my Jesus in full force. I know He is with me always but I need to be alone with Him. I need to feel His presence and power. When I pray in groups…there is always the static. I do best with one or two others for prayer. The more people, the harder it is for me to hear my God. I wish it wasn’t so. In groups I default to silent prayer and continuously asking for help to listen and pray in accordance with whoever is praying, but I confess it’s a challenge.

This morning after returning home, I was reading the Book of Mark. Once more the Word of God brings comfort and affirmation to my heart, balancing my emotions. The walk outside was helpful as well. But as I read and re-read the verses from Mark 30-34 about the comparison of Mustard seeds and God’s Kingdom, I found myself ruminating on the last verse.

“ Jesus spoke God’s word to them using many illustrations like these. In this way people could understand what he taught. He did not speak to them without using an illustration. But when he was alone with his disciples, he explained everything to them.” (my emphasis) (GW)

I don’t know about you, but I need things explained- a lot. Sometimes I see Jesus working in the church, the community, the world…but sometimes I think He has fallen asleep along the way, and I feel the need to shake Him.

“Lord, wake up! Can’t you see…” and it’s in my time alone with Him he corrects me, and gently guides me back to the place of grace and truth I know I need to abide in, but from which I can often stray. It’s in these times I spend with Him, he sets my marbles back in place, wraps his willing and able hands around my hands as I gently hold them reassuring me, everything will be OK.

You have noticed that our planet resembles a marble, right?

Join me for a new post for the Lent series tomorrow- find the posts here : Lent 2020

Scripture: God’s Word Bible (GW)