Christmas Inquiry (RJD December 2012)

It was fun (and sometimes painful) looking back through my journals at Christmas past! I loved coming across this entry which was written before my hubby and I became a couple but were BFF’s. I had completely forgotten about this particular Christmas, or at least the details and stuff going on beneath the surface. Isn’t that the great thing about keeping a journal, capture of time that we would otherwise forget or miss altogether?
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Well! Here I am! This is Christmas day!
Praise you Father!
Thank you for your Son.
Thank you for your faithfulness.
Thank you for revealing truth and being the source.
 Well I just got done cleaning dishes for Angelo.
We had Christmas Eve here at his apartment. It was anticlimactic.
Lord, you showed me things, as usual.
Too much to get into now but I pray that I have quiet time to write later.
Already I am feeling the pressure of the urgent.
What needs to be done, oh Lord, don’t let me buy into it.
Lord, give me contentment; joy and your peace.
Last night, as I lay on Angelo’s couch,
I realized that again I had been trying to “make” Christmas special and the Holy Spirit
revealed to me, gently, that it is special–
I can’t make it that way.
There’s nothing else or no way to make it more special.
It sounds so simple but how quickly I am to try to add to such an awesome mystery.
How quickly I try, once more, to replace what I’ve lost, or worse,
create what only God’s Spirit can create on Earth-family.
I only realized after the fact, I had been doing it again.
It was just amazing.
All the plans don’t matter; nothing really went as planned. 
What was pictured and envisioned for the evening was obscured by reality.
 How quickly I return to idealistic notions.
Then the reality of my life hit me-I stood naked in His sight amidst my own “creation”.
How easily I am deceived.
There it is again…and here it is a new day- will I ever learn to abide?
Will I ever learn to stop trying to make a life for myself and trust
 my Father in Heaven to create, manifest everything He desires in my life?
I know I am complete in Him; will I ever be totally submitted to Him?
I stumble back into my own strength and ideas and understanding until
He chooses to reveal the foolishness and reality of my ways.
Am I nothing more than a puppet?
Yet, I am grateful still knowing that He makes everything beautiful in His time.

It’s Random Journal Day and we are sharing our hearts in whatever way we express them on the pages of our journals! Please join us and share from your own journal for Random Journal Day!

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