When You Feel You Don’t Fit In {Faith Life Preservers- Day 22}


Praise the Lord! He is good.
    God’s love never fails.
Psalm 136:1
Expectations of Christianity circulate through my blood and bones, 
seeking to be pumped out into real life.
Sometimes I resent the very flesh that encases me.
I think I have it all figured out when
 I am reminded by circumstances of the reality that won’t go away.
The feeling that never subsides. 
That feeling of never really fitting in.
It’s not like I dwell on this.
It’s so much more insidious than that.
Ever present but unassuming.
And I know I am supposed to say it’s all good and wonderful.
But the truth is, it’s not true at all.
I didn’t start this Faith Life Preserver series to blow smoke in your face.
I started this series as a step of faith aware of  the enemy sneering at me from the sidelines hissing, threatening, mocking me and this life of faith I live.
This 31 Day series is being fleshed out in a painful place. 
From need more than want, friends, I write in this place. 
I wonder if it was ever supposed to be a happily ever after here in this world anyway. 
I resent the blissful, cheery utopia I find so many Christian folks striving after 
and I start to feel my chest tighten at the thought of it.
 I’m wondering what to do when those I love hate The One I love most.
When people judge and are so full of self I can’t even see God in them at all, just a wall.
When they have lived relatively sheltered lives and can’t comprehend
 that the things I have experienced in life and seen would make them cry out in horror.
And I know they cannot understand at all.
Can never really know the what it is like to walk in these shoes.
Cannot relate to me at all.
But if no-one understands me.
And my lot in life is of no importance to them.
I know this.
There is One who does know me.
This One who I live for and believe in.
This One who I know will never leave me nor forsake me.
This One who sacrificed His own life to pay the penalty for my sin.
Who lives forever.
Seated at the right hand of The Father in Heaven.
This One who lives to intercede for me.
This One who never fails, because He himself is Love and cannot fail.
He upholds me and will keep me from sinking. 
He will not let my foot slip nor give me over to my enemies.
When I feel the enemy stalking and using those closest to me to whisper lies and accusations,
I cling to the one who stays closer than a brother.
The One True Faith Life Preserver whose name I cling to
today and for the stormy days ahead.
The Most High God.

May this same One be your very own Faith Life Preserver
as you face the storms in your life. 

If you say, “The Lord is my refuge,”
    and you make the Most High your dwelling,
no harm will overtake you,
    no disaster will come near your tent.
For he will command his angels concerning you
    to guard you in all your ways;
 they will lift you up in their hands,
    so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
 You will tread on the lion and the cobra;
    you will trample the great lion and the serpent.
“Because he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him;
    I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
 He will call on me, and I will answer him;
    I will be with him in trouble,
    I will deliver him and honor him.
 With long life I will satisfy him
    and show him my salvation.”
Psalm 91:9-16
31 Days of Faith Life Preservers 
October 1-31, 2012
See all other Faith Life Preserver Posts HERE.

Check out all of the other 
31 Day Topics and Bloggers HERE!
I have decided to keep it quiet by not replying to comments over here
 for the next few weeks.

I will instead be visiting and reading blogs and trying to keep pace
 with own life and writing!
Hope this makes sense.

Please accept the words here as gifts, and have a blessed day.

 I can always be reached
via e-mail and on the FB page.

Grateful for you.

On In Around button

Published by enthusiasticallydawn

Dawn Paoletta is the author of Journaling for Discovery and Delight. Her writing is included in several anthologies and her poems have been included in the Wickford Poetry and Art Exhibit and Books. Dawn is currently working on her next book. Inquiries at dawn.paoletta@gmail.com

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