|Mount Tumbledown, Maine|
Have you ever stood on a cliff or mountain and let your toes come dangerously close to the edge as you peered at the beauty in the skies and breathtaking peaks while simultaneously you also considered the terrifying possibility of those same feet slipping and pummeling you to the rocks or water below? Maybe you even let those toes curl over the edge if you are the daring type. You feel the breeze and see the heights before you. Marvelous works by the Author of Creation to behold and yet there below, you also acknowledge the depths with jagged rocks and certain death or worse possibly (in my opinion) broken bones. Personally my “toes over the edge” days ended on the day I gave birth to my daughter. Suddenly I was ushered into the safety net and sanity of motherhood. Oh, I enjoy the beauty and splendor but hey, be careful near that edge, missy. Dangerous, near the edge. You could fall. You could be dashed upon those rocks. No, no …safety, no walking near the edge. And jumping, are you kidding me? Jumping off a cliff? I remember in the brazen days of my youth…it pains me to remember- one of those stupid things you hope your own children never do, but you did. Oh, yes. I jumped. Not a cliff but off crazy, high Tressels. The memory of it now makes my toes curl, indeed. But what I remember most was I jumped, feet first (I am not THAT crazy!) and without hesitation. I felt little if any fear and certainly the rush from the possible danger at the time was something…well, positive. No, as a mom, fear and danger are for the TV but not something I wish to entertain. In so many ways being a mother has balanced me, yet at times I see something else at work. Who have I become? I see it in the way my daughter reminds me “I’m not a little kid, anymore.” and my all time favorite “Stop babying me!”. I am starting to wonder if I really do have trouble letting go. I see it in the way God is changing my circumstances and beckoning me to let go and trust Him. But I don’t want to be near the edge, I say. And jumping off…into the abyss of the unknown? What are you doing, Lord? Just when I thought I understood what you were doing and thought for sure I was staying put, you are leading me to heights I have not travelled. I feel something, Lord. Fear? No. Doubt? Maybe. Hopeful? Hmmm. A tad bit excited? Yes! Fear? No, Lord because I know you are with me and that is enough to keep that fear at bay. The only fear I have is stepping out of your good and perfect will for me. Do you trust me to carry you to the heights I have for you? Yes, Lord, I do. Then let go. I am hearing Him tell me to let go. But I am not sure what I am clinging to that I need to let go of and so I ask ( the fools rush in, thing you know). He tells me. I think I hear Him. He whispers to me, “your security is in me”. Well, duh, I think. But then he gently brushes the veil of my blindness away and shows me my ways. Trusting in self, unforgiveness, selfishness, manipulation, and the biggest: doing something in my own strength with a dash (ok, truckload) of grumbling and complaining thrown in for good measure. OUCH! Letting go means letting Him determine both the means and the ends. Man, I am just getting this! God doesn’t need my two cents. Imagine that! But He is willing to let me share that two cents once I have first given all over to Him. It is then that He hands me back my portion and He multiplies, divides and quadruples it for His glory! The key being, I have got to put what I have completely into His hands before I can be trusted to have it back. Sometimes we don’t recognize when we fail to let go. Sometimes it is not the actual letting go that God wants but He wants to reveal that part of ourselves we have yet to yield to Him. Fear not, He says, for I have redeemed You. He has called us by name. We have got to be ready to release any expectation, desire, or feeling to Him in order to walk with Him. How can two walk together unless they agree? We have to agree with the One who holds the keys to eternity, my friend. We have to at least be willing to step close enough to the edge that we just might fall off. And sometimes He lets us fall. That reliable friend fails, the fabulous job lost, the spouse trusted betrays, the house lived and loved in forclosed, the once innocent child flirts with the world. When all the details of our life seem to come undone, He beckons us to “Come”. He challenges us to turn our worries into prayers and our fears into Hymmns. He reminds us to Rejoice and remember His faithfulness from the past. He promises that in the end that which He brings us through will bring healing and encouragment to another or many others!
So why fear standing near the edge? That is where God meets us. That is where we just might learn to fly!
So whatever “edge” God leads you to or you find yourself in, remember whether you jump…or fall – either way underneath you will land in the everlasting arms.
Until next time, I pray you keep digging beneath the surface! Leave a comment – I love to hear from you!
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Some verses for reflection:
Psalm 36: 5-6; 37:23, 31; 103:17-19
Isaiah 30:21; 40:31; 43:1; 55:8-9