If I Never (A Million Twists of Fate)

If I Never (A Million Twists of Fate)  
by Dawn Paoletta

If I had never been online, 
never watched “You’ve Got Mail”, 
considered it good to talk to strangers. 

If I had never drove into that house, 
with that red Javelin,  
or tried to please everyone else,   
   by compromising myself. 

If I had never chosen cash,  
over a memory, traded that which  
never stays for that which  
can never be regained.  

If I had never opened the door  
to danger when it came knocking 
dressed in desperation - 

but then again, I’ve always been  
a sucker for a bleeding heart,
especially when combined with danger  
and desperation. 

If I had never succumbed to temptation, 
for the umpteenth time-
well, I guess I wouldn’t be human, 
so scratch that premise completely. 

If I’d never been his boss,  
his friend, his love, his wife 
never seen the providence of God 
or longed for the cobblestone streets of Nantucket 

If I never brought tears to my mother’s cheeks 
while sharing news in the kitchen, 
for the umpteenth time - I’m sure -
Or been reborn, or led astray, or ran away  
or met the dawn boldly, fearlessly forsaking sleep 

If I’d never chased the moon on a starlit night  
just because…life is short, 
and sunrise is better than sunset 
and the beginning, always better than the end 
living better than dying, hello better than goodbye 

And perhaps, as the good professor told me 
on that walk in the Berkshires - it’s the journey
the seeking itself, not the end, that is significant. 

After many years of pondering, I might like to go back 
 in time to our walk and conversation, and inform him, 
I do believe he is misinformed-  indubitably wrong... 

Not the journey, not the end, but all the glory  
is in the beginning, inevitably, and always-
again and again.

This poem was one of the first poems I wrote for a local writers group. I spent the next five years meeting with these folks enjoying writing together, and sharing words. I am truly grateful for the opportunity to be part of such a diverse and interesting group of creatives. My work schedule eventually caused me to stop participating, but it was an invaluable time of growth in my writing life. I finally broke out of my writing closet and bravely shared my words regularly- thanks to the encouragement, patience and humor of those present.

This poem is liturgy of sorts of my life journey. My writing has changed over the years. This poem stands in my memory as a great divide in my life, it reveals more than you might realize. It is a transformational journey in words with milestone moments, some that I feel are a bit brazen to talk about- but significant. I’ve revised this first poem slightly to share on the blog today, the original was published along with some other of my first efforts at building my poetry muscles. Some of those efforts are a little cringy in retrospect! Honest, but cringy! I still like this one enough for it’s boldness, and raw honest observing eye.

Thank you for taking the time to read today! I am reflecting on my own writing journey as we celebrate and acknowledge National Poetry Month. It’s a great opportunity to reflect on past writing and find inspiration for new writing adventures! Jump in and expand your creative expression!

Here is a link to the anthology which includes many writers of diverse background!