Enthusiastically, Dawn

We on the East Coast of the USA have turned a corner seasonally speaking. So fast the year has flown, and here we are into the homestretch of 2023. I know I am aging myself when I say, holy smoke, where has the year gone? Even the past week, when both my hubby and I had our first bouts with bad colds- another sign of the season, it felt like the week blew past, while we tried to maintain our footing despite the coughing, sneezing, and alarming rate of Kleenex usage.

So what was meant to be one post has turned into three, the first of which focused on my One Word for 2023: On Listening to God, Lessons from Nature, and Finishing 2023 Well (Part 1). In the second post, I shared a book I am loving, the planner and journal I am finishing 2023 with, and the Four Essentials of Finishing Well: On Listening to God, Lessons from Nature, and Finishing 2023 Well (Pt. 2). But, I don’t think I articulated as well as I could have why the points by Jerry Bridges inspired me or more specifically which one of the four, spoke directly to my soul for good. I want to address that here in this post. This is the one where I will tackle the topic of the grief that is forever part of the landscape in which I now live, which cannot be changed this side of eternity.

It’s one thing to lose a loved one. We know we will lose people we love to old age, illness, and disease. Those of us who have losses that have been sudden, violent, or unanticipated sometimes struggle to comprehend the loss before we can begin the grief process, but ultimately the journey begins the minute we realize our loved one has died, and we are still here.

Fall is a season that offers opportunities for deep contemplation. We usher one year out and anticipate a new one. It’s a slow peeling back of layers between October and December. It is a time for counting blessings, taking stock, and making plans after sober reflection on the past year’s lessons. The fact that our daughter’s birthday (23rd) was on October 9th and her death date will be January 9th beginning our 4th year without her also adds a complicated mix of emotions to this invitation into the deep places. They can be deep places of despair or deep places of grace. Every year is different, although time itself has lost all meaning since losing our only child, Katherine, on January 9th, 2021.

But life has not lost all meaning.

Though at times the sting of her goneness is deeper, burns through, and her memories hover about my head like clouds following me everywhere. I find my solid ground in one place alone. And I promise you nowhere else.

If you are new to the loss of your precious child- or loved one, know this, your only comfort will not come from friends, neighbors, and co-workers, though I pray you will be surrounded by all of them.

Your comfort won’t come through your spouse or other relatives. Though I pray you will be upheld within these if you do have them.

Your comfort won’t come by means of words of well-meaning people, even your fellow Christians, though I pray you will be embraced by many faithful.

This leads me to the 4th Essential pointed out by Mr. Bridges in my previous post. The undergirding, leveling ground of all playing fields. Number 4 on the list of his four essentials for living well, which is the reason any of us can be comforted in the most difficult scenarios.The number four essential states: Trust in the love and sovereignty of God.

Trust in the love and sovereignty of God. This is the only complete and consistent comfort we can count on. Because it is inexhaustible. And because it is a gift from God.

However, I know that as we walk through loss and grief, we might struggle to find God in the pain, or we might wonder why. Well-meaning friends may misunderstand us. We may find ourselves asking new questions about what we believe, and why. But Jesus never strays from his single-minded focus and promises to stay close. Just as He held out his hands to Thomas, saying “Put your finger here” and offered his side as well. Proof, not just of His being but of His grace, and faithfulness. (John 20:24-29)

I am thankful for a God who can be trusted, who is Love, who is Sovereign.

But I will tell you, some will be completely taken on a wild ride right out of the grace and truth of The Gospel if they are not careful. Living with the loss of our only child is not a done with one reality. It is an everyday realization we wake up to. Every day is a day our beloved and precious daughter is not here. Every day is a day we live a life apart from her and all that could have been for her life. And ours. Every day it feels a little harder to keep her close. It feels like the world and everyone in it pushes in around us and crowds out her memory. It feels at times we have to push back to keep her memory alive. And push back against the things that oppose the love and sovereignty of God.

Even as we do this- struggle and ask hard questions before the Lord, questions that no one else can answer, and questions God does not owe us an answer to, we have this netting of faith ready to catch us, keeping us from hopelessness and despair. It is exactly the faith worth fighting for, maintaining, and reviving as needed- trust in the love and sovereignty of God.

Even as a muscle is exercised, this trust, the questioning and calling out of the character and nature of our God, will certainly cause the mustard seed muscle of our faith to grow. Especially as it is challenged and pummelled through weather, time, and circumstance. Do I believe my God is The God of Love? Even if I cannot see how this loss was loving, can I still accept His love for me? Is there anything standing in the way of me accepting His forgiveness and grace? Do I believe He is sovereign? Why, why not? Do I believe even in this loss that He is sovereign? Can I be honest with God about how I feel in light of my loss and His sovereignty? We must lean on Scripture. In it, we can find comfort, hope, strength, and peace to keep on. Why? Because He reveals Himself by His Spirit, through His Holy Word. This brings me consistent and complete comfort in my grief. God does not leave us alone in our grief.

The timeliness of that Number Four Essential allowed me to move forward again on this journey as we approach the next phase and season. As we approach another holiday season, and all that it will be, and all it will not be. As we approach a new year. A new year where the only constants I think I can count on are the love and sovereignty of God.

May He bring you the comfort He has brought me now and always.

Enthusiastically, Dawn