Let’s Talk (for 31 Days?)

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Journal Pictured: Chic Sparrow Dark Chocolate Creme in size A6

 

It’s been awhile since I wrote a blog post wherein I just lay it all out there. I thought  I  might do that today, because  I feel extremely disconnected from everything that has been meaningful to me in my life for the past few years, or more.

 

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My Testimony in Poem (#iamapoet)

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Some of the journals from this transformational year.

One night last week I decided to let my Facebook followers choose which journal to share (from three) for Random Journal Day. Cathie H. chose the “Heart” journal from the group pictured above. As I began to thumb through the pages I was overwhelmed with the perfection of this choice and how important it is to be able to look back on our written journals to see clearly what we forget. My One Word for this year is Redeemed. I mean, really it could be my word every year, right? But, this year I knew God was calling me to walk in it more boldly and confidently than ever before. Now as I look back on this journal, I see all the seeds…of His will and purpose right there written on those pages when He first opened my eyes.
Today, I am sharing with you what is one of the earliest poems I wrote after Jesus Christ became my One and Only Hope, Savior, Lord. This journal is full of an excited girl who discovered a God who was not only real, but able to clearly communicate with her. This record of my “bowled over” response, in my awakening to His grace, love, mercy and truth, is a gift to me to re-read after years of enculturation into the churched communities I have travelled. If ever there was evidence that God is found by those who are unchurched…this is it! Friends, I was an opinionated, vocal, religiously opposed, independent, liberal-minded person. BUT, God met me where I was….and brought me to where I am today. Which is exactly the same– but with a completely opposite view-point as before! You know, I never forget that…I know what it is like to live without the mind of Christ, and then be transformed by His grace. It is easy to keep it real when you remember.

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When You Feel Like a Failure

Nothing is more beautiful than a strong, humble, God-fearing woman who knows who she is and Whose she is. ~Susie Larson

The LORD makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him; though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the LORD upholds him with his hand.

Psalm 37: 23-24

It was a blue sky, sunshine morning but before my eyes confirmed this reality, I sensed a heaviness in my heart. It was as if the devil camped at the foot of my bed all night waiting to pounce on me before I stepped foot out of bed. Even as I tried to shake off the negative vibe, I felt like reminders of my lack peered back at me at every turn. The message in my mind was loud and clear, flashing repeatedly in neon, “Failure”.

Weakened, I repeatedly asked God to strengthen me, recognizing the wiles of the enemy, but not prepared for this particular early morning attack. As one who loves to rise early, and does so quite happily, the “surprise” attack should not really have surprised me, but honestly it did. I write this after the fact which gives evidence to the cunning ways of the Thief of our days.

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A Salute To Me (RJD Link #iamredeemed)

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“Nothing else matters so much as being free to reach your dream. The obstacles we overcome are so often within ourselves.”

~ from my journal April 1992

This month for Random Journal Day I am sharing from a journal I rarely look back on. As a matter of fact, you might call this journal a turning point journal. This journal reveals a girl about to come to a crossroads. You might say in Twilight Zone manner, I was about to take a turn down a path I had not anticipated, into the… (enter music).

Many of you know that I was involved in the Fitness Industry for many years as a Personal Trainer and Consultant, but rarely do I like to talk about it. Occasionally I will write about it, but more in an abstract way usually making an analogy of some kind. But the fact remains, many of my “beneath the surface” lessons came while pursuing goals in the physical realm. God continues to use the many experiences I had coaching others and attaining my own goals as a way to elaborate and clarify His purpose for my life, even to this day.

Despite the audacity of my blog post title, and entry, I ask you to bare with me (as well as the pun and bikini clad body- long past, no less) as I share with you a piece of my Redemptive story, walk with me now into my journal and possibly The Twilight Zone…

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Mean Moms, Child Idolatry and the Only Way Out

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Yes, Mother. I can see you are flawed. You have not hidden it. That is your greatest gift to me.

Alice Walker

 

 

“Mom, she doesn’t like me.” she says in a manner beyond her years.

I try to brush it off, give her words of encouragement, but know there is probably a grain of truth in the middle. With a child who is both sensitive and extremely intelligent, I have witnessed more than my share of minor (and not so minor) injustices. I was sadly disappointed in what I closely observed as a mom willing to volunteer in an extracurricular activity group.  I recognized then that there are some who step up, not because they love children, but because they love their own children. Other children are tolerated, unless they are useful in some way to the parent’s agenda for the child. If your child fits the mold, expectation and standard they set, great. Otherwise…the labels are slapped on, and the adults who could be part of the solution by their position become part of a more complicated and complex problem.

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