I Know Why

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When our hearts and minds cannot wrap around reality, poetry allows a pathway to find the way through to a broader place. A place where words, feelings, imagery and meaning intermingle acting as hope, healing balm, and help to the soul’s cry for understanding.

I believe poetry, music, and all creative endeavors- painting, drawing, sculpting allow for this possibility. Poetry just happens to be my pathway.

This one is for sharing… for those who have endured the dark night of the soul’s struggle, and for those who have loved ones who have succumbed to it in its various forms.

May Love hold us close. Let this poem speak to you, whatever it will.
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There is a song playing in my ears,

sounds like this-

nobody cares, nobody cares.

 

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Battling Depression with a Notebook (RJD January 2014)

I usually try to share from older journals, but recently I have been sharing, occasionally, from current journals as well. Generally speaking, I always, ALWAYS, keep one continuous ongoing journal. I carry it everywhere I go (most of the time) within reason, and it is a constant companion, capturing my thoughts, prayers, ideas, random poems, quotes etc. It is a springboard and sponge, allowing ideas to jump forth, and also be absorbed.

Occasionally, I keep additional journals. I just laid to rest my 1000 Gifts journal, which I also continuously added to on a regular (not always daily) basis.

Last month, as I struggled not to be swallowed by a difficult season, I grabbed this small notebook, to carry for November, in hopes of staying grounded in good despite feeling I was sinking into a mud-hole.

It is just a random smattering of what emanated positivism to me. I felt negative…I battled discouragement with simple torn and cut paper, and 5 things I could be grateful and over which to rejoice.

Truly, it is a “scrap” book! From scraps, I hung. It sounds silly, right? But when the darkness desires to swallow us hole, the smallest glimmer of light can keep us from the abyss.

A word that brings a smile…rip it out, glue it down. 

A picture that makes the heart beat, hopeful…snatch it up, paste it in!

A phrase that resonates…capture it and keep it close, right before your eyes.

There are seasons we need reminding…and sometimes the simplest reminders of good, hope and encouragement can come in cut pieces of paper, glued down on paper, in a notebook, that keeps us believing we can get through one more day. We see God, still is in it…but we must discipline ourselves to SEE. Open the eyes. It can be a difficult time, but is He with us? Do we have reminders of His love, faithfulness? Yes!

Grab it, hang on to it, cling to the good! The bad will always be there…we must discipline ourselves to seek the good, in the small, mundane and everyday. Sometimes that might just be all we need to hang on. Sometimes a little notebook can be a small tool to help win the battle with discouragement, depression and dark days.

I want you to know that as I did this, it went against everything I felt within. I did this because it was needful. I needed to be do opposite of what circumstances looked like AND what I was feeling.

Please join us for this months Random Journal Day – we meet up and share from our Journals, past or present! 

Join us HERE!


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Love Versus Tolerance

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Love is a safe place.
It is the place
 where all of your puzzle pieces
 spill out-
are not scrutinized
 as they lay vulnerable on the table,
but instead 
gently explored,
held up to light,
put together again
with grace and dignity intact…
Tolerance believes you need fixing.
Love says, “Beautiful!”
Tolerance says, “Acceptable.”
Love embraces. Always.
Tolerance shakes the hand, 
is cordial-
but only at a distance. 
Love smiles, 
brings relief, leans in close.
Tolerance shrugs, nods, scurries away.

Love reads between the lines, listens without words,
fears not silence.
Tolerance speaks often, without ears.
Listens not, never hears…
the heart.
Cares not.
Really.

Love acknowledges the whole.
Tolerance accepts a part. Reluctantly.
Keep your “tolerance”, have it your way.
I’ll take love, hands down, any day.
For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. 
Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.
1 Corinthians 13:12


Linking with dVerse for the return of OLN 2014!
Linking with Emily for Imperfect Prose.

And with Jen:

and with Tracy:

And with Jennifer:

and Marissa:

Reading List: Cozy Reading Spot

and Create with Joy:

The Battle Between My Ears

“Hang in there. Don’t give up!

 Is anything too hard for the Lord?

 No!
Just when you least suspect it—the God of surprises strikes again. 
God does that for the faithful. 
God is watching.
 For all you know right at this moment … 
the check may be in the mail. 
The apology may be in the making.

The job contract may be on the desk.

Don’t quit.

You may miss the answer to your prayers.
God is faithful—He’s always on time.” 
~ Max Lucado


I confess, I have not been such a good girl with my Facebook Fast. Well, if you remember I said it was a “partial” fast. Ahem. Moving along. The fact of the matter is I really enjoy some of the wonderful friends I get to see, if even only by snippets and pieces. I get to share in prayer and praises with so many of my brethren I no longer see, and I realize what a blessing this is to me. Today, this was evidenced when one of my Facebook friends and Sister’s In Christ shared her status with the above quote by Max Lucado. Though I needed to see this and hear it and ponder it, and though it encouraged me greatly, I also recognized the battle going on between my ears. The words are true. The writer is correct and the messenger who delivered the lovely reminder via her status was and is Spirit led. 
( Thank you Mark Zuckerberg for keeping us all connected) 


But my mind and my heart are having a huge battle these days. 

I find myself repeating mantras, to myself; I’m OK. I am fine. Everything is good.
“I’m really OK”, seems to be the number one mantra. It’s as if I am speaking it, admitting it, acknowledging it and convincing myself all at the same time. I mean, I really am. 

The Holy Spirit brings to mind verses.
People say encouraging words and let me know they are praying.

In both the cave and the desert, God is faithful. I think of Moses, David and Jesus.

I know this. 
His Word is rooted in me.

I am OK.

Really, I am. 

But there is a war being fought, that continues to wage, regardless.

The limbo fuels the enemy ammunition. 

I tell myself, God has a plan. I believe it. 

But my mind keeps looking for the memo.

Phone rings, machine picks up: “Hello, you have reached Dawn’s mind, at the present moment, Dawn is unavailable as her mind and heart are duking it out in the pit of her stomach. Leave a message or better yet, catch her on Facebook, her favorite place to hide- 
Have a joyful day in the Lord, now, beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.” 

It reminds me of when I was 8 months pregnant and teaching classes at a local women’s gym. I would walk in and be met with expectant faces and comments like, “You still didn’t have that baby?”. I would think to myself: Um, Do you see this belly? Really, lady, I want you in the front row- and I promise that you won’t walk for a week after I lunge myself into labor, right here right now. Let’s go!

Limbo.

Really, Lord. 

Enough, already.

Let’s go!

Take the old prophets as your mentors. They put up with anything, went through everything, and never once quit, all the time honoring God. What a gift life is to those who stay the course! You’ve heard, of course, of Job’s staying power, and you know how God brought it all together for him at the end. That’s because God cares, cares right down to the last detail.
James 5:10-11

Lord, I thank you that you are my emergency shelter, I run to the safety of your faithful love for me. Thank you that you care. I don’t know when, how or what, but I know You. Lord, that is enough. Help my mind and my heart to remain under the shelter and safety of your wing. Let me rely on your love, to carry me while my faith and hope rest in You.
In Jesus name, Amen.





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