Christmas Inquiry (RJD December 2012)

It was fun (and sometimes painful) looking back through my journals at Christmas past! I loved coming across this entry which was written before my hubby and I became a couple but were BFF’s. I had completely forgotten about this particular Christmas, or at least the details and stuff going on beneath the surface. Isn’t that the great thing about keeping a journal, capture of time that we would otherwise forget or miss altogether?

Well! Here I am! This is Christmas day!
Praise you Father!
Thank you for your Son.
Thank you for your faithfulness.
Thank you for revealing truth and being the source.
 Well I just got done cleaning dishes for Angelo.
We had Christmas Eve here at his apartment. It was anticlimactic.
Lord, you showed me things, as usual.
Too much to get into now but I pray that I have quiet time to write later.
Already I am feeling the pressure of the urgent.
What needs to be done, oh Lord, don’t let me buy into it.
Lord, give me contentment; joy and your peace.
Last night, as I lay on Angelo’s couch,
I realized that again I had been trying to “make” Christmas special and the Holy Spirit
revealed to me, gently, that it is special
I can’t make it that way.
There’s nothing else or no way to make it more special.
It sounds so simple but how quickly I am to try to add to such an awesome mystery.
How quickly I try, once more, to replace what I’ve lost, or worse,
create what only God’s Spirit can create on Earth-family.
I only realized after the fact, I had been doing it again.
It was just amazing.
All the plans don’t matter; nothing really went as planned. 
What was pictured and envisioned for the evening was obscured by reality.
 How quickly I return to idealistic notions.
Then the reality of my life hit me-I stood naked in His sight amidst my own “creation”.
How easily I am deceived.
There it is again…and here it is a new day- will I ever learn to abide?
Will I ever learn to stop trying to make a life for myself and trust
 my Father in Heaven to create, manifest everything He desires in my life?
I know I am complete in Him; will I ever be totally submitted to Him?
I stumble back into my own strength and ideas and understanding until
He chooses to reveal the foolishness and reality of my ways.
Am I nothing more than a puppet?
Yet, I am grateful still knowing that He makes everything beautiful in His time.

It’s Random Journal Day and we are sharing our hearts in whatever way we express them on the pages of our journals! Please join us and share from your own journal for Random Journal Day!
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Thanksgiving To New Years Journal {RJD Link November 2012}

 I am sharing from one of my special journals today. This “Big Binder” holds my Thanksgiving to New Years yearly Journal as well as sections for some I keep for my Easter/Lent journey! I started this special endeavor  in 2005 and if you are not a journal keeper yet, I highly recommend keeping this wonderful kind of journal which is a great way o preserve moments, memories, family traditions and spiritual growth through the years. 
Some of my entries are long, some very short. But I always try to write a bit daily. If I don’t, no worries. It all balances out in the end. At the end of my entries I include the names of those people I am praying for with the specific prayer right under their name- it captures a snapshot of their lives at the time as well I now realize as I have been reading through! Specific circumstances and prayer concerns are much easier to find in theses journals as they are so much neater than my handwritten scribbles which tend to go on and on in a seamless life long letter! 
Well, hope you enjoy “peeking” in my journal.
See you next month, and maybe you can share your 
Thanksgiving to Christmas journal in a Random Journal Day in the future!

November 25, 2011
Day after Thanksgiving
Well, here it is the day after Thanksgiving. 
Hard to believe I am starting another of my Thanksgiving to New Year journals.
 But , here I am doing just that. Lord, I do have much for which to be grateful, as I start this journal and ponder the past year. 
I am thinking of a passage from Job (1:20-22) today:
At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. 
Then he fell to the ground in worship and said:
   “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, 

   and naked I will depart. 

The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; 
   may the name of the LORD be praised.”

 In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing.
Lord, how could I do anything but praise you. 
You are God! 
I am but the work of your hand. 
Loved, belonging to you. 
Lord, I am not like Job, in that so often 
I have doubted you. 
I have grumbled and complained 
instead of given praise and thanksgiving. 
I pull back from trusting you in the heat of the moment. 
Sometimes, I am still led astray by my own passions. 
Yet you know my heart’s desire is to follow you. 
Therefore I trust in your forgiveness.
 I trust in that way that you have made in my Jesus.
 I hold out my hands to receive the grace I am unworthy of, yet lost without. 
Thank you for mercy, love, faith and forgiveness. 
Thank you for your faithfulness in the face of my lack, 
neediness and sin.
I think about the journey of this year and all 
you have given and also what you have deemed should be taken away. 
I accept all as it has all come from your hand. 
thank you for the wonderful Thanksgiving 
I shared with my family yesterday. 
Even though it was quiet and small- it was so good. 
Thank you that despite an evening “fail”, 
you redeemed the night and it was good. 

The nice thing about this journal is it is a snapshot
of the same time of year
captured with little details often forgotten.
I keep favorite quotes I happen upon
in this big binder.
Depending on my wordiness the average
 is about 25-30 pages for each section
of Thanksgiving to Christmas.
Join in for our
 all month long!

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