Enthusiastically, Dawn

Let your face shine on your servant; save me in your unfailing love. Psalm 31:16

She ran away at 15. Quit school by 16. Had her first abortion by 17. It took all of her energy to come home at 25 and mend the relationship with her mother that she never had. But she knew that if she wanted to have a relationship with her mother, she would have to make the first move. The reason she left in the first place was because her mother was never there, never said the words, “I love you”. Not for as long as she remembered. So she opened the door for the street smart kid who knocked while her mother was at work. He knew she was alone, knew he could get in. One mother’s absence births a lifetime of regrets.

By the time she realized her youth had been wasted she was already on the fast track, pursuing whatever seemed good, running as fast as she could to nowhere…at breakneck speed. A fast paced life, leaves one little time to reflect, less time to check for casualties along the way. She rarely looked back, kept running feeling time, pursuing her,  the hot breath of it on her back. She dared not look back. Too much  pain.

She swore she’d never succumb to the confines of tradition. Not with marriage nor motherhood. She swore she’d live at full speed, straight ahead, no looking back, until the day she’d live no more. But she would go out a streak, not a sedentary fool. Not one living in the outdated mandates of the masses. No one would tell her what to do, who to be. No one would contain her spirit. At least that’s what she thought.

Until the day her speeding train came to a full throttle halt.

For a time, she recognized that life was not to be lived on the fast track, that the world could be summed up in one tiny life.

Brought to a screeching stop with a cry; a new breath of life.

In one moment in time the world slows, and she realizes that life isn’t to be gulped, but savored, not hurried nor paused but plain old lived out in a million microseconds.

A baby cries, toes stretch, new life emerges, again.

Spring comes. For some.

Life goes on and even for those mothers who yearn for tiny toes stretching and milk drooled down their backs, and sleepless nights not once but again in the later years. And have not…

For you who yearn for normalcy and have not the simplicity of watching a child merge with life and grow up happily-for those mammas who ache with empty wombs, and wayward children, or children that have gone on before them…

He says, I am here.

I am with You.

Never will I leave or forsake you.

For you, the mother who feels aborted by life and aches with soul heavy aches as the proud mammas brag about their healthy, wonderful children.

For you, He wants you to know, He has not forgotten you.

He loves you with His everlasting Love.

And though now, for you motherhood is not magical…there will be a day, when the veil will be pulled back.

In that day, all things will be reconciled to this One Faithful Father, King, and God.

So whether you mourn for the babies you have lost, or have never had, or the one who has turned from you and Your God. Whether for the young person who left life too soon, or struggles with life today. Please know that He is with you. He will stay with you, and there will be a day when we will be freed from all that leaves us feeling like our motherhood is less than magical. My heart hears yours, and more importantly His does. May He bless you this Mother’s Day and every day.

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