Angry At God {RJD October 2012}

Many of my regular readers know about my faith journey, but for those who may be new, this journal share is from a period of time when I had wandered back into the world as a new believer not grounded in the Word. Born Again, yes. Salvation secured, yes. But the war for my walk had begun, and I was a Backslidden babe, seeking truth and running hard from religion, like a scared wild animal when it stumbles into civilization. I was being hunted, no doubt. I was in a war, it’s true. I had not yet put on my Armour and this baby Christian had an enemy pursuing hard. If he could not have my soul for eternity, he could certainly keep me ineffective for the cause of Christ. For a season. Confusion had set in, BUT the Lord had other plans in the end for this chick…to stand firm in the power of His might. To boldly go where other Christians are too chicken to go. OK, just kidding with that last one. 
But let’s see what was happening Beneath The Surface, 
in the pages of my journal, October 23, 1993.
He says I should go back to church and I don’t know if he’s right
 but he didn’t mean his church. 
I told him that he just didn’t understand that
 I don’t know if I can go to church
 and for the first time in my life 
I am angry at God-
or at least not thinking rosy thoughts about life like
 I used to-am I getting old and cynical?
Have I always been?
*******
Last night K and I got together and went to Sicilia’s on Federal Hill
 for their awesome stuffed pizza. We ended up having a long talk about religion.
She is presently reading the bible and studying the book of Mormon as her current boyfriend is Mormon. She has lots of insights and arguments.
I have lots of thoughts but I am very cold to the thoughts of churches 
and the state of human race in religion.
*******

Why is God so unclear?
Why have I lost my faith in the human race so completely?
I told K, you know the only thing that came out of my whole 
Born Again situation is that I no longer think /assume people are “good”.
What makes a person “good”? 
We talked about how I see so many “good” people
 but does this make them good to God or in  in God’s eyes?
Human eyes fail to see the heart.
What makes a person good or bad?
I don’t think the obviously “good” person is closer to God 
than the lost person- I just don’t know.
*******
K and I mutually agreed that we think an informal 
Bible study group is better than a church.
I find it hard to believe in light of the news and the condition 
of the human race that there is a leader to lead worthy of God.
I don’t doubt that there is a God and Jesus but I just don’t know what it’s all about.
The words can put one farther from the Lord than closer…
this is the way of the church with rituals. 
Do they blindly follow?
I almost did blindly follow. 
But following man does not make one closer to God or Jesus.
Why is it that when I look around me- 
I see things that man thinks are good and want to weep?
We are all (humans- all) lost.
This is the only truth I know.
I feel we don’t get it at all
our concepts of good and bad are horribly warped,
and it’s only getting more complicated.
Where are people’s hearts?Money, intellect- rich in these things many are…
But even people I care about, I see sometimes mechanically going through the motions of some perception of goodness and righteousness-
this to me is uglier than the blatantly “bad” person. 
*******
Phew. OK, in conclusion dare ones I want to end by saying 
God is the One True Living God, who finishes what He starts.
His Word is true.
There is no righteousness apart from Him.
I praise Him for guiding me into truth, and giving me an inquisitive mind
with an unquenchable desire for His Knowledge and Truth. 
Amen.
…your faith in God has become known everywhere. 
  They tell how you turned to God from idols to serve the living and true God,  
and to wait for his Son from heaven, whom he raised from the dead—
Jesus, who rescues us from the coming wrath.

1 Thessalonians 1:8-9


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The Ultimate Superhero {Faith Life Preservers- Day 5}

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True confessions. 
Sometimes I have gotten into big trouble when
I have taken on too much and said yes,
to one too many other things.
 I wake up and realize I ‘m not Wonder Woman after all and 
I never did play her on TV, either. 
Occasionally I am her, in my dreams though. 
Anyhoo…

My journey of faith has brought many lessons about God’s will and timing.
Learning to hear His voice and discern His direction is both a promise
 He fulfills and a honed skill that needs to be developed.
I am grateful He has lassoed me in a few times for correction.
I am also grateful that when my Wonder Woman costume left me 
naked, wretched and humiliated, 
there was a Savior who came by my side, 
lifted me to my feet and dressed me in clothes fitting of His 
very own daughter.
As far as I can tell the world really does need a Superhero.
He has come– and it’s not me!
Phew, that is really good news, friends.
Better still He has already saved the world.
2000 years ago, He fulfilled His purpose when He stretched 
out His arms and uttered these words: 
 He is alive and well today (Hebrews 7:23-25).
Able to save to the uttermost.
Able to uphold that which He saves.
Are you in?
Dear Friend, this IS the Faith Life Preserver that I cling to
 through the daily storms of life.
This is my anchor and hope in the turbulent
 sea of lies and deceit called today. 
Are you hoping in The Ultimate  Superhero and
Faith Life Preserver?
His name is 
 For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, 
but to save the world through him.
John 3:17

See all other Faith Life Preserver Posts HERE.

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Random Journal Day Link-Up: October 2012

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Welcome to Random Journal Day
Happy October!

I hope that you are enjoying the Fall season. It is one of my favorites for sure.
I am torn between Winter and Fall for favorite Seasons!
Since Orange IS my favorite color, 
I really appreciate the foliage and decor that dominates this beautiful time of year.

This month my I want to share a wonderful Journal Keeper, who I absolutely adore.
Her pages inspire me and I look forward to every post she shares. 
I tend to really enjoy those who share their Art Journals because it inspires me, in a way that I believe fosters creative energy! I think that although my preferred medium is words, I am inspired further by absorbing the creativity of artists who create through a variety of mediums.
Without further adieu, welcome Kathy from Paper Pumpkin (appropriate for October, right?)
Here are some of her beautiful journal pages. 
She shares the transformation and details over at her place.
Recently she has been journaling her recovery from an accident.
Her art has recorded her healing journey and I know it has blessed me.
Go check out her wonderful Blog and journal pages!

Here is a sampling:

Now Let’s Link Up our JOURNALs! 

Details for Random Journal Day 
Link Up
and past links 
can be found HERE!



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