Patience {An Untimely Post}

“If I have not the patience of my Saviour 
with the souls who grow slowly; 
if I know little of travail (a sharp and painful thing) 
till Christ be fully formed in them, 
then I know nothing of Calvary love.” 
 ~ Amy Carmichael
Holding back tears again, I stare at the framed print on the wall.
 It shows two cherubs and the Love verses from Corinthians.
 Ugh. I am weak and weary. 
I feel sick. 
Jealousy and envy tag-team me, 
I double over, 
wincing as I imagine the lovely mother-daughter scenarios 
taking place everywhere else. 
Anywhere else. 
But here. 
I forget sweet memories and truth.
I hurt deep.
There seems to be no consolation. 
Just walls erected.
And one mom feeling defeated,
as her daughter reclines, throwing cheerios
across her bedroom.
Defiant rebellion.
Glorying in her seeming victory.
“I hate you”, she smirks. 
The words fall to the floor as a 
Cheerio bounces off my chest.
Good times. 
I’ve already read enough words that should have me feeling all-powerful.
Quiet time, prayers, Scripture, wisdom, encouragement.
I shrink, and see the images again dance across the screen of my mind…
happy mothers, smiling, relishing their seemingly completely compliant children.
I remember her small. 
Still defiant.
Hands on hips in the yard, looking at the house next door.
She stares long and hard. Her back to me.
She is wearing only undies or is it a pull up?
The memory gets blurrier with the years.
She looks back and huffs these words: 
“I’m thinking about buying the house next door, so I don’t have to live with you.”
She is 4.
I ask God why He hates me.
Love is patient…
I am angry that this is the first line of 1 Corinthians 13. 
I find myself seething.
I take a walk to get out of the house. 
Dog walking is like my version of Cheers.
Free Psychotherapy. 
I step into a role where I am loved, cherished, outright idolized- 
let’s face it those dogs worship me.
I am the giver of walks!
My neighbor, Kevin with his wife has raised two girls. 
Every time I walk by he shares a bit of wisdom.
Today I walk, and almost pass without conversation.
Not happening, God wants my ear.
We say hello.
We make some small talk. 
I am not a good hider.
I just don’t do fake well.
He catches me, and somehow he is sharing wisdom again.
He says, “Ya know, I had two girls and it’s not easy.
If I had to give advice I would say this: patience.
I cringe.
He says a few more things about choosing my battles, 
winning the war and we admire 
the beautiful, unfinished, carved table he is sanding.
I know wisdom when I hear it.
I know God loves me.
I am that table.

God is sanding me.
I am not enjoying it.
I am not sure how I am going to look at the end of this journey.
I am not feeling beautiful.
Kevin comments on the detail,
“I’m a stickler about the sanding.”
He points out a mark on the leg. 
“It takes time, but it’s worth it in the end.”
The table is exquisite but will be a treasure when he is finally satisfied 
with his efforts and attention.
He sees the beauty yet to be revealed.
I know.
Lord, I know you are not finished with me yet. 
I know you love me with an everlasting love.
I know You love the daughter You have given me as well.
Help me to remain in your love, steadfast and true.
Forgive me my weakness, failure and sin.
Make me beautiful in your eyes.
In Jesus name. Amen.
“Cast not away your confidence because God defers his performances. 
That which does not come in your time, will be hastened in his time, 
which is always the more convenient season. 
God will work when he pleases, how he pleases, and by what means he pleases. 
He is not bound to keep our time, but he will perform his word, 
honour our faith, and reward them that diligently seek him.” 
~ Matthew Henry

Beauty in His Grip Button

Can’t Shut My Mouth Monday!

'Keep Mouth Shut Fortune Cookie' photo (c) 2009, Jason Lam - license:

Well friends, around here on Monday I get a bit CREATIVE, RANDOM, and oh so THANKFUL and link up to some really great communities: Ramona at Create with Joy, Carissa at Lowercase Letters and Ann at A Holy Experience. So shall we say: let the games begin! Um… OK, then- here we go!

I have been trying to work on an Altered Book Project in my “spare time”- HA! Spare time is something you have when you are under16 or over 65, right? Well here is a sneak peek at my very first attempt. It is a Maine theme and I adore it. The name of the discarded library book is Wonders Of The Earth. I will share more as this little endeavor progresses! 

This past week I enjoyed sharing my real life Shark Encounter for Random Journal Day.
I am counting down the days to Shark Week, and look forward to watching 
it more than the Olympic Games. 
I know, it’s wrong, but what can I say?
As my wise cracking Grandmother used to say, “To each his own.”
Are you looking at me?
I read this book this weekend because it has been dubbed
by my daughter (now 11) as one of her all time favorites.
She read it in 3rd grade- this was one of those 25 cent finds
that you keep always. She gives it two thumbs up.
If you have little ones, I suggest you get it and read it aloud to them
– you will both love it. Last night she went to bed re-reading it!
“Restrain your voice from weeping, and your eyes from tears, 
for there is a reward for your work, declares the Lord, 
and they shall come back from the land of the enemy. 
There is hope for your future, declares the Lord, 
and your children shall come back…” 
Jeremiah 31:16-17
I want to invite you to an event being held on September 8th for women here in New England.
As Fall approaches our sights will be shifting from Summer days to the many challenges of  returning to school schedules and busy routines. Wouldn’t it be nice if you could take ONE morning and hear God’s heart and vision for your motherhood and child at the start of the school season. Whether Kindergarten or College, or whatever phase your child is in- come catch a fresh perspective from Him who who loves us with an everlasting love by joining with women from all over New England (and beyond?) in praise, worship, prayer and more. See MORE details here: Heart Cry {Event Invite}
or Here for JUST THE FACTS!
Some of my Praying Mom friends through Moms In Prayer at
Camp Of The Woods for Come To Me -Retreat 2011! 

252.  Encouraging, faithful friends
253.  delicious, spontaneous omelet made by hubby
254. praying, sensitive, listening, non-judgmental sisters in Christ
(you know who you are) with always an encouraging word or wisdom 
to share without being preachy or worse!
255. the gift of faith
256. The faithfulness of God which I count on each day
257. His never-changing word
258. The promise of His presence
259. grace for this moment
260. Hope for tomorrow

miscellany monday at lowercase letters

Heart Cry {Event Invitation}

“Restrain your voice from weeping, and your eyes from tears, 
for there is a reward for your work, declares the Lord, 
and they shall come back from the land of the enemy. 
There is hope for your future, declares the Lord, 
and your children shall come back…” 
Jeremiah 31:16-17
It’s almost time. 
The clock is ticking.
Our Summer days and relaxed schedules will be the 
sweet memories we look back upon during the Fall and Winter.
Yes, I just said that!

Fall, as you know means back to school for our children.
Some children may be entering Kindergarten, some college-
but you know what they all have in common?

They all need Moms who pray.
One more thing. 
We all need to be Moms who pray!
How would you like to spend one morning, 
seeking God for His vision
for your children and your motherhood 
for this coming season, 
this school year?
Come worship, praise, pray and let your heart cry out with other 
moms and women in various seasons of life to the 
God who hears our hearts clearly.
Come catch some God-Sized Inspiration for your Mom
 journey this year at this interactive, uplifting event!

Top Ten Reasons for attending 

10.   The cost is so reasonable. 
$10 at the door
$ 5 in advance 

9. Children’s sports not started yet!   
Save the date: September 8th.
See event flyer HERE 

8. Light breakfast refreshments provided 
baked by some wonderful chefs-

7. Doors open at 8:45AM and we will be done by Noon.

6. Located close to the seacoast. 
It’s a perfect location for you and your friends (fellow bloggers?)
to head to the ocean for a bag lunch and fellowship before your trip home. 

 *Held at Eliot Baptist Church, 
912 Harold L. Dow Highway (Rte 236) in Eliot, Maine. 
Eliot is within 15 minutes of Massachusetts and New Hampshire, 
and only 6 minutes off of RTE 95.

5. Great opportunity to praise and worship with 
women who love the Lord from all over New England!

4. Incredible group of worship leaders, 
with the focus being on Jesus, the King of kings!

3. Preparing for the year ahead: 
 Gathering together for this event and being reminded that prayer 
is essential in a world where the enemy and our culture 
battle for the lives of our children.

2. A great introduction to the  Moms in Prayer  experience. 
Praying shoulder to shoulder, heart to heart.
You will come away ready to pray your way through 
whatever comes your way this school year!

1. A time to unite our hearts in prayer !

On behalf of Sharon Gamble, Moms In Prayer and all of my fellow praying Moms,
please join us as we come together to pray, rejoice, seek and enjoy His presence!

I am planning to be there;
 will you join me?

*Sharon Gamble 
New England Regional Director 
Moms in Prayer International 

 *Learn more about this very inspiring Facilitator
and Leader under my FAITH TAB!

*Gently modified for blogger/reader user friendliness 
from Sharon’s Top Ten Reasons To Attend Heart Cry

Collage: What If … (RDJ #18)

I decided to clean out my Journal trunk to find the 
entry which included my real life  Shark Encounter
and it ended up being quite a messy proposition!

I was initially going to share from the journal which had that story
for this RDJ #18, but once I started to look through the messy pile on the floor,
I changed my mind.
Instead I decided to share this little collage, which I believe was a magazine ad 
that I chopped up, and glued down in my own design. December 7, 1992 is the date.
This little creative endeavor prompted two pages of random endings to the query:
What if…

The original reads:
What If…
My Car Won’t start?
I’m Late For My 10:00?
I Spill My Coffee?
I Run Out Of Gas?
The Road’s Slippery?
I Get Lost?
I Lose My Mind?

Yeah, good life summary for any day on my calendar-especially at this time as I was working @ juggling a Personal Training Business, Bodybuilding Competition, Part Time College Course work and life!
Some days I felt like a pin ball!
I apologize for the picture quality but I am currently still without a camera and relying on my Blackberry Smartphone for all photos. Sometimes this works amazingly well and other times…not so much!
So perhaps you should try the prompt “What If?”
Keep writing anything that comes.
See what you learn about yourself.
Looking back it reveals some of the specific things of that time in my life,
 but a lot of it is recurring themes in my life.
Try it!
Happy Journaling, Friends!

These particular “What Ifs” still resonate with me!
Irony here…

Please Click HERE to see other 
Random Journal Day 

Linking with another fellow Journal Lover Marcia here:
BWS tips button

Beyond This Moment

Beyond this moment. 
Beyond the possibility, pain and potential of this current life. 
Beyond the yesterdays, tomorrows and todays, lies more. 
Somewhere beyond here, 
there lies a place that longs for me 
to long for it from within my heart. 
Beyond deadlines, to do lists, and my goals. 
Beyond all of these, Heaven’s promise dwells.
 I linger in the possibility…hopeful. 
I go on knowing, confident in this truth.

Five Minute Friday

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