The Marriage of Joblessness and Depression

There once was a man,
who married a girl,
 perfectly matched, 
they believed.
Thinking they had
 not a care in the world-
blindly, they were deceived.
When they met,
they thought they were set,
secretly in their affair
So they set there hearts
on pleasing themselves
soon months had turned to a year.
Time crept on, the marriage grew strong
but alas they had no career.
So to each other they clung ever tighter
and together
 they raised Despair.
I have been contemplating and reevaluating my beliefs and perceptions about two things lately. It’s funny how once you are the one experiencing the circumstances, how that changes everything. I am no stranger to the subject of Depression, unfortunately, but it’s one of those things that is not exactly a topic people are comfortable discussing. It can be a skeleton in the closet for some, but more likely like myself, it is like a friend you see less and less, but who still pops in for the unexpected, unwelcome visit to remind you that they are still around. I really thank Jesus Christ for any victory I personally have experienced with this condition because that is where I have been able to find hope and strength. Personally, secular psychology offered what I only saw as treadmills with chains. That is just my opinion. My personal journey to healing, from the pain of childhood sexual abuse , as well as some of the complicated choices that stemmed from it, came by the transformational power of the Living God. Medication and group counseling at the suggestion of a Psychiatrist sent me running. Actually the two forms I turned to were writing (extensive journal writing) and the gym (this is the time I was pursuing competitive lifting). Research supports what I was living at the time: these are valid forms of therapy. I trained to the extreme, I poured my heart out on paper. But I found salvation though the saving grace of the One who holds the answers for this present time and eternity. The only One who can care properly for the soul. I want to mention something to be clear and fair. I believe that hope comes from Jesus Christ but help can come from anywhere (as he ultimately directs the paths of all).
I was not receptive to the modes of therapy suggested at that time, but that is not to say that Christians, and others cannot be helped by those that were offered to me. It is just I was not receptive to these at that time in my life. OK, clear? If you have received healing and help from a combination or otherwise, I am not invalidating your experience in anyway or here to argue. Phew. Just want to be clear. God’s arms are big enough to embrace all. Moving on…
The Joblessness aspect is something that I have rarely (if ever) had to experience. It has been both a gift and a burden. Lately the later, as our income has been cut in half and my hubby continues to carry the full financial load. I entered the field of Fitness and Exercise early on and truly God just completely directed my path both prior to my conversion and on to the fateful day a fellow competitive bodybuilder introduced me to the Savior. I remember being asked by a very influential client who had multiple homes in Europe and America, “How did you get to be the Creme de la Creme of Personal Trainers?” Trust me, this was well before the industry had grown to the huge capacity it now has grown! There were only a handful of trainers in our small state. My career seemed to be guided and blessed beyond what I could have done myself. My reputation and client base grew and flourished. Even after I left the field on sabbatical journeys (once the first few years of marriage and the second to Home school my daughter for one brief year) God directed and provided perfectly.
However the Lord gives and takes away. His name still remains. Faithful and True. Yet the enemy daily bears down on me and that is where I am at this time. Wisdom, discernment, perseverance and patience are needed. He is with me in the valley. But the valley can be a dark and lonely place. So here I am with Depression and Joblessness on either side of me. Despair calls from close proximity, tempting me to close the shades of my soul to light.
But I remember who I am. This light will NOT be extinguished. This light will continue to shine.
The fact is I never realized that the loss of a job could be as painful as any other loss.
 I remember my husband losing his cushy management position at Starbucks after graduating with a business degree from college. I shrugged it off and responded something like this: “Oh well, you always complain about it anyway- it is probably a good thing”. He looked at me as if I had sucker punched him. He still brings it up! We actually were not married at the time but BFF’s! The fact was he was rejected and rejection feels WRONG, ugly and bad. It also brings up and magnifies the negative aspects of life for the person who is going through the experience. It can make one call into question almost every aspect of their life.
Ok, Lord, I get it now, so can you kindly bestow the perfect job upon me? 
Potentially under construction.
The lot that is me!

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